Only Beginnings

I used to love reading the NYC Craigslist Missed Connections.

I am an anthropologist after all.

I love that these blurbs of a moment are the beginnings of a story.

You were wearing black cut off's and chastising a man in a suit outside of the Mysterious Bookshop, we made eye contact as I passed by. I was wearing a white tee with no bra.

You were reading The Farmer's Almanac on the number 6 uptown at rush hour I was staring at you from behind a dog eared copy of Shut Your Mouth.

Brunette walking through Tompkins Square Park with a duck on a leash. I regret not coming up to you.

The boundless possibilities. The wonderment.

The way someone dressed, talked, carried themselves.

A split second of eye contact and a fire was lit.

The sheer desire for human connection.

Companionship, Relationship, Love.

Sitting in the excitement of opportunity can be both freeing and paralyzing.

Is a crush more exciting than an actual relationship? Is the anxiousness of not knowing easier to stomach than being turned down?

Sometimes I'd rather ruminate in what could be than wallow in what can not be.

Harvested

On a day like today

A point in the cycle

Balance of light and dark

A moment of reflection

For gratitude and gathering

My existence feels unfair

A stark reminder control is an illusion

There is no karma, or justice, or balancing

We don't reap what we sow

We take what we are given

Live with what we have

More than, Less than

No equity or justice

The scales are falling over

I am a shattered reflection of existence

Don't Call Me Strong

I write and share a lot about trauma. I want to be clear though my existence in spite of trauma doesn't represent some sort of inherent strength. I am not a better person because I'm surviving. For anyone who's ever experienced trauma there were only two paths and for the fact that I am here taking up space I am not more worthy than those who chose the other path. Cause the thing is trauma is in many ways insurmountable. I will never be a person without trauma. I can only hope to be a person healing from trauma because I'm not even sure one can be a person healed from trauma.