They killed me

They took my life away/ ripped my beating heart from my chest and dangled it in front of my face. They said they were being nice/ said they were good people doing good things. They said they work for the government so that makes their actions wholesome and pure. They said they were just following the rules, just doing their jobs.

scream

stuck

frustrated

annoyed

confused

conversations

no explanation

purge me of every thought in my head

one

at a time

scream

respond

people

in the middle of the night

everyone

in a delusional land

refuse

acknowledge

no control

release

into the abyss

scream

fall

see where the ground meets

life

ends or begins or keeps going

know

about anything

at any point for any reason

scream

disappear forever

never over

it will always have happened

mandated

pain

SILENCE

She

I don't want to face a younger me

And tell her it doesn't get better.

Tell her she is let down by society.

Her goodness does not matter.

People will hurt her and they wont think twice.

_________________________________________

She will spend time stuck and lonely

Sad and overwhelmed by the evil of the world.

_________________________________________

She will grow

But growth will be a survival mechanism to try and escape.

____________________________________________________

She will do everything she can

But the evil will hold on tight.

__________________________

She will wake up crying.

She will no longer have nightmares.

Nothing will be as terrifying as her lived experience.

Her dreams some nights will be the only safety and comfort she experiences for weeks.

_____________________________________________________________________________

She does have a support system.

Her counselor will be a kind, gentle person that cries during difficult sessions.

Who has nothing to offer

No way to help her.

She will watch family and friends contort themselves trying to help

But they will be helpless.

Nothing will ever be enough to make her whole again.

________________________________________________

There will be a time before and a time after.

Because that's what trauma does.